I'm coming clean (with dirty language) (Saturday, September 30, 2006)

I haven't mentioned this to a whole lot of people because I wanted to kind of see where it was going. But at this point I have a good idea so I think it would only benefit me to spill the beans. I've decided to run the Los Angeles marathon in March.
I decided this about two months ago and have been running 4-5 days a week, Saturdays with a group called the L.A. Road Runners. They provide a lot of structure in my gradual increase of mileage, time and a little pace. It all happened like this..._I was feeling real fat, and looking about the same and so I decided I'd start walking. Well, after about a week or so I though I'd pick up the pace so I starting jogging. After two weeks my pianist at Miceli's says to me, "Charlie, you want to run the L.A. Marathon this year?" And I said, "Hell no, what are you crazy?" Actually, I didn't ask, I told him he was crazy. And then he said these magical words, "you'll lose 20lbs and it'll...." I didn't really hear what else he said but it was something along the lines of changing my life. I thought about it for literally 10 seconds and I said, "ok." So then he said, "really? Alright, meet me here (Miceli’s) tomorrow at 6am and we'll go running with the Road Runners." I said something like, "What the hell, ok."
So, I haven't looked back since. My major concerns are my right knee (the un--operated one), my left Achilles tendon (which is tight) and my heart(which I've been feeling beat really hard when I'm running. But I mean, that makes sense, so, I don't know, I'll get a complete check up just in case.) I'm doing this for a couple of reasons.
Yes, I'm very interested in losing 20lbs. And I've already begun to alter my body in pretty significant ways. I usually can only feel so fat before I say, "hey, what the fuck is going on here(usually pointing to my stomach), I'm getting really fucking fat. I need to run and eat less." I mean, I'm usually pretty mad at that point cause I feel fat, lethargic, un-athletic, unattractive and not very confidant. And it takes that level of anger and self-loathing to turn it around. And it's usually when I get to a point physically that I like myself and so I stop beating myself up on the track, cause hey, I look good.
I mean, I've never been thin, or had a six-pack, or been photograph worthy really. Is that my goal this time around? Hmmmm.. I'm not so sure. I'll tell you this though, I'm going to look really good come March. I won't be able to help it. I read if you run in excess of 20 miles a week you can't help but loose weight, pretty much whatever you're eating, and I've been eating really well. I suppose the only thing I need to do look real nice would be sit ups and bench. I might work that in.
Ryan Green told me that I should work in my sit-ups after my run but that's not going to happen. I always give it my all the last half a mile so when I finish I feel like vomiting. And I'm in no condition to do a set of crunches. And it's sure not going to happen before I run because it's all I can do to get up and out of the house at 8 on 4-6 hours of sleep. I don't even stretch that much because if I sit on the ground I'm liable to lie down and fall asleep.
I can't even tell you what goes on in my mind when I wake up to run. It is a debate I will NEVER win if I try and use logic. There is NO argument, NO sensible point I can drive home that will convince me that running in the morning is a good idea. I don't think I'll ever FEEL like running. I just go on autopilot and if that doesn't work I look down, grab a handful of fat and think of a woman I wish I could seduce but fall pathetically short of being able to. I often curse at myself. And I'm usually putting actual foot to pavement at 8:15. But, I do it. I can't explain why. I don't deserve any credit really. I don't have any suggestions to any other fat asses. I suppose the only thing I can suggest is that you begin to hate yourself for being fat and feeling/looking like shit.
I'm definitely all for being hard on myself. I absolutely feel like I have it very easy. I'm a very privileged human being. Living where I live, having the means to support myself, having wonderful relationships and supportive family, I have no reason to be easy on myself. I believe strongly that I owe a large debt to the World. My God says that "to whom much is given, much is expected". I believe the direct translation form the Hebrew texts goes something like, "Don't let thyself be a fat ass at your 10 year reunion." Hey, now that's wisdom I can hang my hat on.
Anyhow, as they often say on Seinfeld, "barring any unforeseen circumstances", i.e., doc's orders, meniscus tear or a heart attack, I will run AND finish this motherfucking 26.2 miles in March. I may never do it again, but I WILL do it in March. And I will look sexy. And it will change my life, or something.