My friend Melanie Lomax died (9/12/06)

As with most pain, at one point or another, I gain some sort of objectivity and am able to savour the strangeness of the feeling I am experiencing. Physical pain, remorse, lovelorn or grief from death. I lost a friend today and it feels very strange.
I work the front desk at Miceli's and I greet every person who comes through those doors whether they sit and have a meal, are picking up a to go order or are having a drink at the bar. I encounter such a variety of people it's profound. And what I enjoy about the sheer mass of people I interact with everyday is that within literally a moment, a glance, barely a look, I can gather enough information about that person to know how to interact with them.
Can I joke with them, will they take a flirtation in the right way, can I give them a hard time out of fun, should I be straight forward because they're in a bad mood. I can, with surprising regularity, guess where a person might want to sit. And because there is live music at Miceli's it's important to know if they're in the mood for music, want to have a secluded corner or something in between. I often pair up customer personalities with my servers so that they'll have a good experience. And the day I met Melanie Lomax I could tell she was a sad woman.
I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I could tell that she had fought uphill battles all her life. I could tell that from the look in her eyes, the gait with which she walked, the tone in her voice and the amount of scotch she imbibed that she had not lead an easy life. And I wanted to make her feel welcome.
I didn't strike it up so quickly with Melanie. Folks who have a gruffness about them need to be saddled up to, you need to earn it. I've known more than my share of those types and more often than not, you value their friendship more than most because it feels like you're on the inside, you've made it. People like Coach Garland or Mr. Manship are gruff but have a sweet center.
I have a personal theory that it's my job to create regulars. And the way to do that is to make a connection so that folks feel comfortable, they know someone. I often can be found buying drinks or dessert for people I feel I've connected with and this lets them know that they have a friend at Miceli's. People who come in to the bar a lot are easy to get to know because they're right in front of me. I know our bar regulars the best.
I have Brett and Molly who come in nearly every day. I have Sibby on the weekends, Lee on Fridays, Masood and his wife, Chris, the other Chris, Jay Mohr, Bobby, Crystal, Becky, Terry & Matt the sound guys, Sean Astin and of course Koz & Phila and Melanie Lomax.
Melanie always got take out. She would order and go wait at the bar. She would usually come it a couple drinks deep and unfortunately she would leave even deeper. And there wasn't anything you could do. She was a very strong willed woman.
After a period of time, I first recognized her through repetition and then broke the ice with a little conversation and after a little while I bought her a drink. She fought me on it but I told her that she comes in so often that I wanted to show a little gratitude and begged her to allow me the pleasure. She conceded. I don't think she did that much.
Still I didn't rush into being overly friendly and gregarious because folks like Melanie can smell insincerity like a shark does blood. And then any attempt you make to be friendly is fruitless. And I'm a sincere guy, anyone will tell you, but in my line of work, some folks require a little more faux enthusiasm than others and I didn't want to smear any of that on Melanie. I really liked her.
So one day after we had gotten friendly I jumped into a conversation about .the new digital voice recorder I had just purchased. Of all things to connect on...
I told her that I had finally purchased it because I had intended for years to record my dad's stories unbeknownst to him (of the plan or the actual recording.) And I then told her about my dad and his age and our relationship and about my family and my mother and my dad's side with the artists and then about me and she really enjoyed talking with me. She then went on to tell me how her mother had been ailing for sometime and so she had spent the last ten years documenting her mother's stories on video through interviews. And she also told me how she had hired professional photographers to shoot her mother's birthdays. And also how vibrant her mother was in the mind but frail in the body.
We also spoke extensively about the fear we both shared concerning the loss of our respective parents, about the loneliness that that would entail and the gut wrenching trepidations that would seize us from time to time. We connected on these issues and even though she was just two years neigh of my own mother's age we shared a very unusual but thoroughly enjoyable friendship.
Melanie would occasionally tip me a $10 or a $20 for doing nothing at all. I would never wait on her or do anything really except talk with her. Once, when I tried to refuse, she said, "Charlie, I'm a rich lawyer. I make a lot of money. Please allow me the pleasure of sharing it." So I did.
I asked Steve at work about her, because he's a reliable pop culture reference and he told me that she had a big name in LA as a lawyer and for being involved in many race related cases. He also mentioned that she was a controversial figure. Hmmm... interesting. I looked her up one night but only found a handful of articles about civil cases that didn't grab my attention. I guess I didn't dig deep enough. There was a lot more.
Melanie LOVED to listen to the singers. She absolutely loved one of our opera singers, Jennifer Tucker. Jennifer DID have a heavenly voice. I have a hunch that Melanie was a lesbian. Perhaps its my own bias, or maybe its because she was a hardened and seasoned litigator who fought many men in court. And that will probably take a little of the feminity out of you. Or maybe she was just built not so feminine and that made her better suited to be a lawyer.
Or maybe it was the trials she faced as a light skinned Black woman during a much more difficult time for Black folks. Perhaps it's that it's difficult being a Black lesbian with a strong opinion and a great education to back it. Or maybe it was that she wasn't particularly beautiful that made her a fighter. She did have wonderfully deep eyes though.
The second to last time I saw Melanie Lomax was about three to four weeks ago, around early to mid August. I had just bought my first digital camera and I was very excited. I had saved for it and done extensive research on it and finally bought it. And when it came in the mail and I was ecstatic. I of course brought it to work to show everyone. And that night Melanie came in.
I talked it up with her a bit, we asked each other how our parents were doing(something that had grown into a tradition), we chatted, conversed, etcetera and I showed her my new camera. I gave her the full tour and displayed it with much aplomb. And for some reason the topic segued into the socio-political consciousness of varying generations, most specifically hers vs. mine.
I made mention of my distrust of the media, how I had no faith in the information I was receiving, and also how this lead to my lack of enthusiasm for politics. I elaborated on thee and related topics and she made comparisons to her generation and how consumed they were with civil rights, Vietnam, the women's movement and the sexual revolution. It was a good conversation rife with curiosity about the other's perspective and void of any sort of agenda or criticism.
I, of course, was working and so had to leave the conversation at various moments to seat people, help waiters or play drums(as I do in the show.) And it was after one particularly long absence that I returned to find Melanie with take-out food in hand and ready to go, but waiting for me. I picked up this cue and went over to thank her for the wonderful discourse. And with that she said the following;

"Charlie, I really enjoyed our conversation. I think you're a talented and charismatic person and you have a lot going for you. I really like you. I don't often get to engage with people from your generation nor do I often get to encourage people from your generation. And that's why I want to buy that camera for you."

Of course my mouth was agape and I put up a good fight, but like I said, Melanie Lomax doesn't concede much. She wouldn't hear much of my pathetic arguments and dismissed them all with pure stubbornness. She asked me to walk her to her car outside in the valet parking lot, which is where she told me that she would be in the very next day with $200 cash for me. And, she NEVER wanted me to mention it again. It would be as if it never happened so that we would just go on as friends like normal. I swallowed my pride and coughed up a meager, "alright" and helped her into her Jaguar.
The next day she came in around 7pm, at least tipsy, ordered her take out, listened to some music and pulled out a fat wad of cash. She asked me to get her more cash off of her credit card and I did. She then asked me to sort it all out and give some to the pianist and to a waiter for singing a song and then she gave me the rest, two hundred dollars and walked out with my assistance.
I thanked her, hugged her and told her she was a good person. She said, "I have a lot of money. I want to enjoy it. And doing this make me happy." And watched her, for the last time and a tear in my eye, drive away in her Jaguar.
When a person shows such an act of grace, when you're given something out of the blue, when you're not owed it but it's given to you without obligation, well, that's a powerful feeling. I felt God's love through Melanie's act of generosity.
As I walked back into the dinning room I noticed that Melanie had left her take out food at the little table near the drum set at which I play. I knew that she had taken off already and proceeded to try and dig up her home address from the delivery records so that I could send my driver over to her house. Hell, I'd tip him myself no matter how far it was. But she'd never gotten delivery so it was not on file. I felt terrible. She must have gotten a laugh out of it. In essence it had cost her money to come and give out money.
I thought to myself that perhaps she felt she had sacrificed personal relationships for professional success. And now she wondered what all that money in the bank was good for if she couldn't enjoy it. What had she worked all these years for if she couldn't at least enjoy her money and spread it around, encourage a nice kid who had taken the time to have genuine conversations with her, to engage her, to open up and be sincere with her. What was that worth to her. More than money it seems. I know, I'm an actor, I'm supposed to get in the mind of folks. It's my job to create justifications and back story. But I feel these things are true.
Well, the very next day I set down and wrote Melanie a thank you card. I know she didn't want me to mention it EVER again but I was raised to write a thank you card and I wanted badly to do so, so I did. All it said was


I've kept that card in my bag at work everyday since in the hopes that I'd catch her and be able to give it to her. I never got that chance and I feel very badly about that. I think she would have loved the quote. How ironic that Melanie should document her mother's last ten years so that when she should finally pass, she would have it all to remember her by. And now Melanie is gone and her mother still with us and will hopefully make use of the recorded memories that include the both of them. What macabre but fascinating twists life brings. Not a good ending, but interesting to think about nonetheless.
I’ll truly miss her.


Links:
1) http://cbs2.com/local/local_story_254205240.html